Alone in the Dark
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: He had always been alone, always stayed strong. So why was he hurting so bad? Rated T for language.


Spain tried to free his hands from the cuffs attached to the side of England's pirate ship. England was furious at France and Spain's attempt to sink his ship. France had managed to get away but England managed to capture Spain. Now Spain was panicking-being defenseless near a furious England was never a good idea.

"Stop being inconsiderate to other people's feelings!" Spain deperately cried in a ditch attempt to calm the raging Brit.

"Me? Being inconsiderate to feelings?" England let out a mirthless and harsh laugh, "You are in no position to even dare say that to me! Tell me, was there ever a time in your life you were not loved? A time without friends? For me there was-in fact, there still is! My brothers want to fucking kill me whenever they see me, France just tries to push me down and the Nordic keep trying to take over me. Let's face it, I'm the black sheep of Europe-isloated. You on the other hand," England paused to raise his sword until it was slightly poking into the Spaniard's throat, "Have always had friends-the frog, Prussia, the Italies. You've never truly felt the pain...the pain of being alone. The pain of being hated." England's hand was beginning to shake, much to the curiosity of Spain. His voice was now becoming calmer and he stopped shouting.

"Of course now I couldn't give a fuck, it's better to be feared than loved. Emotional bonds are for the weak. If I got upset every time Scotland would shoot arrows at me, or everytime France insulted me, or every time I had to run from Denmark as he would threaten to hurt me if I didn't go under him, I would be a wreck. No. I have to be strong. Now the roles are reversed-everyone runs in fear from _me, _and it feels bloody marvellous, I'll tell you. Now you feel how I've felt for centuries. Now tell me, tell me, that I'm inconsiderate, tell me I should give a damn about everyone else's feelings when I don't get the same done for me!" England pressed the sword slightly harder into Spain's throat, hard enough to draw some blood. Spain hissed at the pain.

"I get it." Spain shut his eyes. He felt the sword retreat from his throat.

"What the hell are you on about?" England harshly demanded.

"You're lonely. You've always been lonely. Every time I've been down I've always had friends and family to pull me up. But you-you don't have that and you hate my guts for that, hate me for never saving you from the pain of being alone in the world. But let me tell you something-sooner or later you are going to have someone who cares about you, a person who will unconditionally love you even if you don't understand why they do. You just need to wait. When that person comes into your life, all this pain would have been worth it."

"F-fucking liar," England snarled as he punched Spain in the face before walking up the stairs to get onto the deck of his ship. Spain sighed, he got better treatment than he thought he would've.

"You just need someone," Spain muttered before dropping off into a light sleep.

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><p>England's head was starting to feel dizzy. The tattered bar was beginning to swirl around him, the chandelier was rapidly dancing around his head and for some reason there were six bartenders who looked identical. England figured that he should stop drinking, but he knew he wasn't drunk enough yet. His heart was left with such a huge hole that he wanted to fill with the pleasant buzz of being drunk.<p>

He knew it wouldn't work though.

He knew it wouldn't work, though he knew that he had to try. The one person, the one person he truly and honestly cared about, even more than himself, abandoned him. England knew that it was mostly his fault for raising taxes and whatnot, but it still hurt. He could handle America breaking away from the Motherland, but he couldn't handle Alfred F. Jones leaving him. England picked up his whisky glass and downed the fluid in one go.

"Spain, you bastard," England whispered as he shut his eyes, thinking back to the memory from when he captured Spain. Spain told him he would find a precious person and he did. England truly loved his little brother, though he had no idea why the feelings awere mutual. He didn't understand what America even liked about him but he still appreciated the love. Just knowing that over the pond he had someone waiting and caring for him made England manage to get through wars and all his issues. He had opened his heart to his little angel and England had to admit it felt nice. It felt nice having a friend, a person to trust. He finally understood why Spain cared so much for his lazy brat and why Spain cared so much about his friendship with France.

What he didn't understand was why he, the person who _needed _special bonds with other people, was the only one to always end up alone.

This was why he couldn't trust anyone. He knew deep down that emotions for others were useless but that couldn't stop him from loving the boy, with his wide and curious blue eyes and innocent smile. How could he not?

England thought that now he was over his pirating days that he would finally get some friends. Alas, he was stilll feared and hated. America saved him from complete isolation. He had other colonies, such as India. England liked him, but he wasn't the same as America. But apart from that he was alone.

Being alone fucking sucked. Not that he wasn't used to it.

* * *

><p><em>Hope you liked this angsty little one shot.<em>

_-Snoring Tiger_


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